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Poppy

Cologne.

My whole house smells of it. Apparently you need to wear cologne in order to board a 6 am flight. Thanks, Kevin. You're the best cousin.

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Greta: So.
Emily: So.
The Butler: I mean, of all places, it has to be the sidewalk she picks to pee? The SIDEWALK?

Note: The Dog pees on the sidewalk. Presumably because it is inconvenient. No other reason.

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Greta: So, is it some kind of sporting competition, this Ian Fanclub...or?
Emily: Oh! Not at all! You just have to be inexplicably, irrevocably in love with Ian, despite the fact that he is awful.
Greta: I see...how much are your membership dues? Just, out of curiosity, I mean.

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Bitte: Look, I'll be heir, if I have to, but I WILL NOT be best friends with Ian.

Good! Best, even!

In the interest of not having chaos that is hard to follow, I went with only one heir. Bitte had the most votes.

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Simazaya: Whoa, rough landing. Why am I here?

You're Bitte's blind date, evidently. However, you are strictly off-limits. Personal reasons, you understand.

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Simazaya: If I can't marry in, that's fine, but ending my date by going on a new one? Crossing the line. Have some dog shit, asshole.

>_> Forgot about that...

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Bitte: *judges the vase*

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Bitte: Unfortunately, this vase, like my heart, is empty. *sigh*

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Bitte: *swoon* Target acquired.

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Bitte: I'm just gonna cut straight to the chase. You wanna move in and have babies with me?
Desdemona: *pauses to consider*
Glasses von Baldspot: *I'll* move in and have your babies. Right now.

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Desdemona: After thinking it over, I am willing to accept your offer, following a brief courtship.
Bitte: Aww yiss!

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The Hound: I mean, I understand what The Dog is doing, and why, but. They're such nice people! It just doesn't seem right, is all.

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Ian: Hold me closer, tiny daaaancer...
Isana: Boomboxes. They used to be a thing.
Greta: WOO! TAKE IT OFF! I mean...TAKE IT OFF!!

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Isana: I AM ILL EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH MY CURRENT SITUATION AND REQUIRE ASSISTANCE. D8

That's why we have smoke detectors, darling.

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Idk Maxisface: Would that it were Bitte consumed by that inferno.

(Meet Bitte's second rejected blind date. Heh. They're all a little BITTEr. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?! 8D)

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Speaking of bitterness and maxisface! Purity got older.

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As did Isana!

Isana: I don't know how I feel about this.

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Isana: Oh wait, yes I do. I HATE IT.

Deal, brah. Happens to everyone. (WAT SPARES? IDK WAT U MEAN. DON'T LOOK IN THAT SIMBIN, IT IS FOR AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.)

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Greta: So, I'll prop my foot up here like this...
Ian: I'm listening.

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Greta: And once you get down there and have a good looksee, you'll be all like, "NICE! High five!"
Ian: I'm down. Geddit? DOWN. *eyebrow waggle*

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Ian: Not bad!
Greta: Sweet Jesus, what unholy necromancer just tripped over Kibeth and sent all of Death into that frantic mockery of dance that has somehow been mislabeled as the "Harlem Shake?"

(Hey look, two for one references!)

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Virtue: OH SING SWEET NIGHTINGALE...

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I sent Bitte and Des on a date to fulfill the "brief courtship" bargain.

Bitte: Hey, Des. Hey.
Desdemona: Hey, what's u--

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Bitte: LET ME LOVE YOU.
Des: KAY.

It was very brief indeed. (Note the taxi isn't even gone yet. Autonomous to boot.)

And now, a series of art photography I call, "[Illicit?] Sex and [Accursed?] Marriage." You'll see.
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(Smoke Break)
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/end series

To summarize: Make out by the street, have sex in the photobooth, get a beat down from Crumplebottom, get married by the pond, have lightning strike the moment your vows are complete. Bodes well, I say!

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Sweater Shorts: I regret naught.
Baldspot: I might regret a little bit.
Crumplebottom: GET. A. GOD. DAMNED. ROOM. SHIT.

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Crumplebottom, from somewhere: SEE? WAS THAT SO HARD?
Des and Bitte: Heh. Hard.

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Emily: Have I told you how exceptionally handsome you are?
Ian: Not today, I don't think.
Virtue: Dad! I got an A on my...oh. She's here. Okay, well, nevermind, I guess.

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Virtue: And he didn't even *notice* that I was there! I mean...isn't that just awful?
EvilJack: Take it as a lesson, kid. People are gonna let you down your whole life. At least you learned early.

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Bitte: You are RUDE, Emily Gardiner!
Des: My wife cries. This will not go unpunished.
Ian: Hey, ladies, what's goin' down?
Emily: That'll teach her not to look at my Ian!
Purity: Oh my. That was a poor choice. Besides, he's *my* Ian for a few more days!
Greta: A few more days?! Rats. Dibs on next!

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Des: How dare you, Madam! Not in my house! Take that!
Emily: My hair and makeup and in front of Ian!
Ian: Girlfight! Yay!
Purity: How romantic of her to defend Bitte like that...I wonder if Ian would...

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Des: Kindly leave.
Emily: I hate you so effing much right now.
Ian: No girlfight? Bummer.
Purity: Hey, Ian! Question for ya...

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Des: See? All better. I took care of it.
Bitte: This is why I married you and we are married.
Purity: Would you defend me against an attack like that?
Ian: ...now kiss...Oh, what, Purity? I wasn't really listening, but...yes?
Purity: I KNEW IT! <3

A second series of art photography I call "We can finally get rid of the twins and Kevin."
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Kevin, typically Withersian and off to live eternally in the college bin.

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Honor, who might've had a chance back in gen 3, but instead will join Kevin.

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And Virtue, whose nose didn't make any kind of sense at all (at ALL), so I surgeried it. She won't be passing on her genes, so it makes no difference, really. Off to the bin.

Pearl: I hate that you are a live while I am not! Get out!

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Pearl: Dun, dun, dun, another one bites the dust!
Bitte: How mortifying!
Isana: I can't even look at you right now.
Purity: What are we talking about? Why does it smell like litterbox? We don't have a cat.

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Bitte: I can't even believe that just happened. I guess I'll stand in the yard like The Dog.

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Simazaya: JUSTICE!

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Ian: SHOCKING! This *STILL* is not a wooden bathtub.
Isana: *is absolutely doing it wrong*

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Isana: Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Oh, God love ya!
Ian: Been real, gotta go.
Maxisface: No pictures!

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Des: Holy hell! Why am I severed?
The Dog: Dunno, but I'm in favor of it.
Ian: You want me to, like, turn around while you...handle that?

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Emily: I like that painting. That is a nice painting.

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Bitte: In light of a recent...occurence...I've decided to come clean with my biggest regrets. I never went to college.
Des: I see you, behind the prt scr button. Stop judging my wife. I will cut you.
Greta: Did we just become best friends?
Isana: You never what now?
Finn: Does anyone even know what college is anymore?
Ian: I went to college. Best sex...I mean *years* of my life.

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Bitte: It's not so bad, though, right? It's not like I skipped college to go on a crime spree or anything...I'm only ever in handcuffs in the *good* way, know what I mean?
Des and Greta: Not really, please elaborate!
Ian: Oh sure, I know! You know the fur-lined ones...?
Finn and Isana: *are conspicuously silent on the subject*

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Des: So this is what she went through. I will see to it neither of us experiences it again.
Ghost of Livi: *ain't even sorry*
Finn: *is present*

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Emily and Bitte: *FIGHT*
Ian: FUCK. YEAH. GIRLFIGHT.

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Bitte: And if you ever kick the garbage again, you will be fed to Helga!
Emily: Ouch, okay!
Ian: No, it's not okay, REMATCH!

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...years of playing, and I never knew the skunks did this!

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Isana: All I'm saying is that I highly doubt the existence of aliens!
Ian: Are you seriously that uneducated? Seriously?
Greta: Isana. I am standing right. Here. Hello?

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Des: Who cares about aliens?! I AM IN LABOR.

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And then Evan, the first. (Btw, I'm taking a page from Azaya and skipping the infant stage from now on.) I say Evan, the first, because my power skipped a few minutes after this, and I got reset to just before the birth.

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Purity: So, Bitte chose well in you, I think. You're very pretty.
Des: I know right? I mean...why thank you!

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Des: I'm pregnant with your grandchild. Thought you'd like to know.
Isana: Are you calling me old?!

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Des: Never! I really like you!
Isana: Everyone does. I am not to be disliked. Ever. Despite rumors you may hear.

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Des: I'll like you even better with marinade and barbecue sauce...

Fun fact! One of Desdemona's parents is a vampire! The other is a shut-in, guilt-ridden cannibal! ~The more you know~

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Isana: Okay, Greta, you gotta hear this.
Greta: I'm listening.
Ian: ...now kiss...

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Isana: Okay, so you know Ian sleeps around a lot, right?
Greta: Right.
Ian: Wait, what? What are you guys talking about?

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Isana: He claims he actually managed to have sex with the ghost of his dead wife!
Greta: What?! No!
Ian: Pfft! Oh. That.

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Greta: Ian, is that true?
Ian: You're damn right, it's true! I am that good.
Isana: You know he's lying, right? That is literally impossible.

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Isana: I mean, ghosts don't even have bones to jump!
Ian: Well aren't you just a smartypants know-it-all? Why don't you tell that to my very satisfied dead wife!?
Greta: He makes a valid point. Michelle hasn't scared anyone in forever...

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Finn: I worry about my family.

Don't we all, Finn?

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Finn: I hear petting animals is good for the soul.
The Dog: That's it, a little to the left...perfect. I like you. I'll kill you last...

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and then blah blah blah giving birth and Evan, the second.

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No reason, just cute.

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And then OUT OF NOWHERE, Daphne. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE DOUBLE HEIRS, BITTE. YOU CAN'T JUST STEALTH BABY WHENEVER YOU WANT. She's cute, though, so I'm good with it. THIS TIME.

...that's all.

Want a Withers?

I know, I need to upload gen 7. I'll get to it when I can!

Comments

I too have been playing for years and never knew skunks could play in the trash! ~The more you know~

I totes forgot Des's mom was a cannibal. I remembered her other mom was a vampire though! Half credit?

Simzaya you douche
I HIT POST TOO EARLY WHAT IS THIS LIFE ;~;

basically FUCKING YAY WITHERS 8DDDDD

p.s. I see your Sabriel references and they please me 8>
I wrote those references for you, specifically. I am glad you like them!

It was kinda cute, in a peculiar way.

FULL CREDIT because I don't think I ever mentioned Ramona's cannibalism...

Simzaya is hilariously angry about the spoiled date, I didn't even cap all the shit she pulled!
Poppy

October 2014

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